You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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