I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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