I wish I only lived at night.
if only i could text you this smell
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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