I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
