Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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