He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
