I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
