Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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