Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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