Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
