So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
