How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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