I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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