There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
