Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
