shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Idk if I want to put a bra on
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
