the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
