respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
