Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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