you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
