Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
