When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
