I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
