I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
