My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i came on her dog
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
