please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
