she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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