Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
