oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
