Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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