Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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