My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Drunk is not a location!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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