i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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