i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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