the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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