Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
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Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
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He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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