you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
