Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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