my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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