I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
