I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
