The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm getting married
To pizza
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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