my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
