Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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