awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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