In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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