My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
