Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
