Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
