I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize