I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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