If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
