Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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