I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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