jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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