my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think my tv is drunk
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
