i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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