The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
