i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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