my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
