Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
