She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
