I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
