Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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