please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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