I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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