Come see our sink grown plant.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
