doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
