we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
