you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
