Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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