If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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