I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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