We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
