She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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