listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
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Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
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Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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