The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
