ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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