Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
