I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
