i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
