dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
