Pants 0. Shit 1.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
