dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
