So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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