i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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