So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
