just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
