Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
