the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
