Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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